Exhaustion settles in, further and further deep inside of my soul. Yet excitement is rising and fighting to be a contender within my inner battle. I am always exhausted, it seems. I have given myself time to sleep this week more so than last week, yet I still feel so tired. But this week was good! Aside from the fatigue, everything seems to be going well.

We had Cory Stroud, one of the base leaders here in Herrnhut, come in and speak for us. She taught me a lot and also challenged me to think more about what kind of foundation I am standing upon. Throughout the week, Cory taught us about our foundations and our beliefs by using the image of a tree. The soil is the environmental worldview that we have, or how we grew up and were raised. This is something we cannot change. The roots of the tree represent our beliefs, and this is something that is completely up to us. From that, the trunk is next and that represents our values. Next are the branches which are our principles and decisions. The fruit of the tree that we produce is shown by our actions, behaviours, and practices. The seeds from this fruit are what we pass on to others. Looking at my background, and my values, and my seeds, and everything in between helped me realize what kind of fruit I am producing and also that everything in the tree is dependent on everything else. For example, my values will affect my actions. My soil affects my roots. My seeds are affected by my decisions. Everything is interdependent and this is such a crucial point to understand.

At the end of the week, Cory challenged us with the question of “What kind of fruit do I want to produce?” Once we determine that answer, we can sort of go backwards through the tree and decide what needs to be changed and how in order to produce that specific fruit. She also asked us “What kind of actions do I no longer want to see in my life?” and how to go about making those changes as well. These are huge questions for me to consider, because I am only just beginning to actually comprehend that I have the power to make the change in my own life.

These past few weeks, I have been doing so much thinking and am constantly processing all that I have learned. This is possibly one of the main reasons as to why I am so tired all the time; I am always trying to think and learn and grow. This is a good thing though, so I am hoping that because I am so tired that maybe I am making progress in my processing and in my growth. I realized the other days that as a result of the burdens of my past and the fears of my future, I have given myself no strength for today. My prayer is that I can really learn to trust God with my future as well as my past so that I can begin to truly focus on each day that he blesses me with.

And with that, I am going to completely change the topic and tell you about why I will be in a different country next week! We have learned the locations of our mini-outreaches and the entire Winter MOTA school will be in three different countries this time next week. Five students and four staff will make their way to the Ukraine to work in an orphanage there and possibly do some street ministry. Another five students along with three staff will be travelling through the Czech Republic, working at an English camp for one week on the Western side of Czech Republic, then helping out at a missions conference in Prague for another week, and then helping at another conference for a weekend on the Eastern side. The remaining five students with three of the staff will be staying in Germany, but heading to the Southern area to help out with the Fall MOTA tour and also doing some ministry there. 

I will be part of the Czech Republic team! This is quite exciting, because I will be able to travel through the Czech Republic and also have experience with several different kinds of ministries. The team that I am with will be a lot of fun and I know it will be a really good time. I originally wanted to go to the Ukraine and work in the orphanage there, because I absolutely adore children, yet God had another plan for me. Over the past few days he has been encouraging me to trust him in his choice and has been revealing the reasons for why he chose for me to go to the Czech Republic instead of Ukraine. Again and again I am seeing the goodness and faithfulness of God; the great love that he has for me continues to astound me every day. I know that each of these outreach teams are hand-picked by God. I pray that we do all we can in each location for his glory alone and always rely on him and trust in him. Prayers for travelling mercies and health, as well as rest and focus and strength and encouragement for every team would be greatly appreciated. I am looking forward to what God has in store for each of these teams. In three weeks you will definitely be hearing from me about my time in the Czech Republic!  

So with these new challenges and these new updates, the excitement within me is growing. My hope and prayers for each of you is that you may find rest as well as excitement in your daily lives. Something that I heard in church today reminded me that is not solely what you believe, but what you are excited about and what you emphasize. May you remember that God loves you and may that love spark an excitement that grows within your soul so deeply and strongly that you can no longer contain it. May God continue to bless you in all that you do. 

Hoping all is well;

Love always,

Fina

Hello:) 

There is always so much to say, yet I never feel as if I can communicate it in the best way. These blogs that we have to write every week force me to connect my thoughts to words, which is helpful. The only problem is the lack of motivation that I feel when it comes to getting things done. Recently I have been feeling quite exhausted, and the fact that I don’t sleep very much does not help. With the tiredness comes zero motivation, and I am working on trying to sleep more so that I can be healthier and also get more done.

I was taught many new things in this past week. Through our speaker, Fiona, I learned more about sin and what exactly sin is and what it means. I learned more about the Gospel and how my idea of what the Gospel is seemed to be inexplicable. Each of the students in our school also had the opportunity to talk one-on-one with Fiona and she helped me realize many things. We talked about the issues I have in my life and she helped me get to the root reasons behind my struggles. This was very crucial for me; it was hard to accept, yet it is a million times more difficult to actually look deeply at these reasons and try to begin bringing change.

Back to what I learned about sin this past week: there are a few main things that really stuck out to me. One was that there is sin and then there is sins. It looks like a very small difference, yet it shows a big difference. SIN is the root, or the inherited disposition; it is our sinful nature. SINS are the fruit, the concept of whether we walk in the flesh or in the Spirit. Sin is not wrong-doing, it is wrong-being. When we sin, we are outside of and apart from God. When we sin, we are not walking in the Spirit, but rather the flesh. We are feeding our sinful nature and not living the abundant life that the Spirit can offer. We are able to control the SINS in our life by living by the Spirit, which will then result in good and beneficial fruit.

We also touched on what the Gospel is this week as well. When Fiona asked us what the Gospel was to us, I thought about it and seemed unable to answer. I did not know what to say; did I really not know what the Gospel is? The Gospel is, after all, the exact thing that I believed in, yet I was unable to communicate what I believed. My idea of the Gospel was so complex I could not even explain it to myself. If I were encountered with a situation where I met someone who had never heard the Gospel before and I was able to share it, I realized I would not have a clue what to say. This is where what Fiona shared was so significant to me. The way that she described the Gospel made what I believe so much clearer and also allowed me to truly communicate in a simple, yet personal way of what the Gospel was to anyone who did not know. So here it is: God loves. Sin separates. Jesus saves. You decide. That’s it; so easy yet so not. Take it as you will, and you decide.

Again, this is only a small fraction of all that I have learned in just another week of DTS. It has been so amazing to be here and be in this community and have the opportunity to learn and do everything I am learning and doing. It is a struggle, but one that I am able to conquer and come through as a better person only with the help of my Father and Saviour.

Some less heavy topics, yet interesting things happening here in Herrnhut: I got a henna tattoo on my hand. My friend Raquel, from Costa Rica, designed it and I love it! This past weekend, we has a sudden spike in population here at the Castle, because the entire Fall MOTA returned from their outreach. There are now another 100 students and another 20 or so staff. You can imagine how it feels going from having the Castle all to yourself with only 15 students in your school to abruptly having to adjust to another 100 people walking and eating and talking and being all around you. It is quite overwhelming. But I do enjoy meeting new people so it is also exciting! I am looking forward to getting to know them more. I have challenged myself to remember all of their names, so wish me luck with that! Other than that, I do not think anything else is new. Our school will be getting more information about what our mini-outreach will look like later this week, so I will keep you updated on that. For those of you who do not know what mini-outreach is, it is just a two-week period in the middle of March where we go on a mini-outreach (hence the name) and get a small taste of what our regular outreach will look like.

I hope Canada is still doing well and that all of those that I love are also doing well! I miss my home; please take care of it for me! Remember that you are all loved by me and by God! I love updates on what is going on in your lives, so just shoot me an email (finamurphy18@gmail.com) and I will definitely be in touch when I can!

Love always,

Fina

Dearest friends and family,

Much has happened since I wrote last. The lack of updates is of no one’s fault but my own; I apologize. We are already on our fifth week of DTS; I have been here for just over a month. That is so crazy! Some days it feels as if I have been here for years and known these awesome people that I am meeting for my whole life, but other days it feels as if time is flying by too fast. I find myself thinking of six months from now where my emotions are sure to be conflicted as a result of looking forward to going home and seeing those I left behind, but I fear I will also dread having to leave my new friends behind. Alas, this time will come but I shall do my best not to think of it just yet, but rather soak in every moment of the present.

Last week was “story week” where staff from the base came into our class to share stories that testified to the goodness of God and how amazing the plans he has for each of us really are. Throughout the whole week I was really inspired and encouraged through the people that shared and through the experiences they went through. We also learned more about Pick A Pocket, which is an arts ministry founded by people here at this YWAM base. This ministry is such an exciting and admirable venture; it uses art to share the stories of less fortunate people and to also raise awareness and support of these people. It provides a bridge between missionaries working in lands that seem far off and those back at home who are able to support them. The last speaker of the week, his name is Uli, shared more about how his experiences shaped his relationship with God. He talked about qualities and characters that he has acquired over the years from God that show his godliness and faithfulness to God. It was a really challenging but helpful talk and I really appreciated it. All of the stories shared were so inspiring and I am glad I was able to have the opportunity to listen to these stories and to be able to hear how God has shown us his goodness over and over again.

This week our speaker’s name is Fiona and she lives in South Africa. We have only had one day so far with her, but she is an incredibly intelligent and engaging and entertaining speaker. I am really looking forward to learning from her all week and to seeing how we can grow both individually in our walks with God and also as a community of believers.

Onto non-school related matters! I went to Prague this weekend! It was so amazing; Prague is such a beautiful city with lots of rich heritage and history. I had a fantastic time and am so thankful for the blessing I have to be able to travel and to get a glimpse of this wonderful world.

I find myself getting so caught up in keeping up with school and all that entitles as well as staying in touch with those I love back home and with building relationships here, that I tend to neglect God throughout the day. I know that I am here with Christians and am learning about God and being involved in everything that relates to God, but I am realizing that that is not enough. I need to specifically still set time aside out of my day to spend time with my Creator and Father, so that is something that I am challenging myself with this week.

Although I am quite busy, everything here is going well! I had a good weekend and have a solid-looking week ahead of me, and every day God shows me new mercies and shares with me in new ways his love that he has for me; I am so blessed.

My prayer that for everyone that reads this may be able to seek God and find him when you seek him with your whole heart. He is longing for you to come to him and he desires to have a relationship with you. He is always waiting for you. I pray that you may be encouraged and inspired in your daily lives and that you may also be able to see the blessings that God has given you and has in store for you.

God bless. :) I will be in touch!

Love always,

Fina

p.s. If you wish to see pictures from my trip, check out the album that I posted on facebook! Enjoy:)

Last week we had Pete Thompson, a long-time YWAMer now living in South Africa, as our speaker. I learned a lot from him about God the Father and Jesus the Son and how they correlate with each other. We also discussed barriers to bonding that we have when it comes to getting to know our Heavenly Father. One of the questions we have to answer is “What is something you learned about God the Father? Is this something you are struggling with or excited about?” Something that I learned is that I there is an enormous wall in front of me that I need to deal with until I am able to know God in a deeper way. This will be a long process, and will be something I will struggle with no doubt, but I know that in the end I will be better for it. It is hard, especially starting the process of dealing with the barrier in my heart, but I know that the people here will help me whenever I ask and that God is always by my side no matter what.

On a completely different note, I went to the Czech Republic for the first time on Friday! Josh and Ruth (the leaders of our school) were taking Pete and his daughter Jojo out for dinner to the Czech Republic, and there were a couple extra seats, so a few students got to tag along! Herrnhut is only about half an hour from the border, so it was an easy trip. We also drove through Poland on the way, so I was in three countries in one day! It was quite exciting! Plus the food we ate at the Czech restaurant was really good; the night out was definitely a highlight for me.

The weekends here are so quiet and empty, so I am glad the week has started up again! This week is Story Week, where people from around the base come in and tell us stories about God’s goodness. We are also focusing on the arts ministry here, called PickaPocket. The people who are part of it are able to use their arts to raise support and awareness for long-term missionaries, and it is also a means to fight against extreme poverty. Once I know more about it, I will be sure to tell you about it!

I hope all is well back home; know that you are missed and that you are in my prayers.

Love always,

Fina

Hello again:)

More than one blog post in one night, lucky you! I finally had a free night to take some time to write down my thoughts and to update my blog once again. Thank you for taking the time to invest in learning about what I am learning; I appreciate your support. Please note that there is more than one page to this blog. If you look above this, directly below the large blue box, there are three sections (Life and Learning in Germany, Studying the Word of God, and Education as an Artist). Each of these sections, when clicked upon, brings you to a new page where there are more specific blog posts. So read on, my friends; thank you for sharing in my life.

This week, I have been struggling with what God wants from me. Sacrifice. Trust. And there are several struggles that go along with that such as how to really know what he wants, how to start being better, how to go about pursuing his will for my life, how? How? How? I realize that in my blog posts I write a lot about how I am struggling. This is because I am struggling a lot here, but it is in such a good way. I am growing so so much.

Yet I just want to be clear that struggles are not the only thing taking place during this experience. I want to share with you the blessings I have already encountered by being here. Great friends, time set aside for God, lectures, food, fellowship, leadership, sleep, art time, etc. There is no other place in the world that has a schedule like this, where we are able to set aside two and half hours for worshipping God every Friday morning. We spend hours in prayer and learning how to listen to God. We have a legitimate class where we read books of the Bible. There are fifteen students in this school from all over the world, and twelve staff members who are from all over the world again. It is incredible, actually only made possible by God himself that we are all here, living and learning together. I am so blessed to be here. I am so blessed to get along with my roommates and build solid friendships with them. I am so blessed to be able to have the opportunities to get to know each and every person here and be able to become good friends with all of them.  I am so blessed to have such inspirational leaders for my DTS, who come alongside us in our struggles and help us through that. I am so blessed. I keep thinking of new things, such as the beautiful nature that I am surrounded by here, that I am safe here, that I have healthy food here. And ultimately, I am blessed because my God, who is so great and majestic and powerful, takes care of me and loves me and takes time to talk to me every day.

Through the struggles and through the blessings, I keep asking questions. I keep doing my best to pursue more of God and push myself farther. I am growing; my roots are wrapping more tightly around the foundation of Jesus Christ upon which I stand and my branches are reaching higher and are getting closer to having a real relationship with my Lord and Saviour.

Love always,
Fina

Black, white, or grey?

The realization that I am so incredibly ignorant of everything around me hit me today like a huge dumping of water. It is like I all of a sudden was told to breathe but I could not, for I almost drowned in the depth of my ignorance.

In our Bible reading group, after reading Acts and also Ephesians and Matthew, we discussed our thoughts and questions about each book. We really delved into conversation and some really interesting ideas and concepts and questions arise, and it’s awesome to be able to share and discuss in an intellectual and involved group setting. Yet I never knew how much I did not know. I barely know anything about any other religions, or worldviews, or science. And these are all helpful and crucial to know when it comes to sharing my own faith. So in these past few days I have been asking myself why I do not know much of anything? Do not get me wrong, I am educated, and I know many things, especially considering I am only eighteen years old, but really, what do I know? And of what I do know, how much of it will really help me? How do I go about learning more about everything going on in the world? Where do I even start?

Then I realized another appalling fact. I am not only unaware and uninformed when it comes to other faiths and other worldly values, but I am so ignorant inside of my own faith. How much of the Word of God do I really know? I can barely quote John 3:16, the most well-known Bible verse. My limited knowledge of the Bible is so unhelpful. The fact that I hardly know about the Scriptures does nothing to support what I believe for myself. And it’s not even that I don’t really know the Bible well enough, but I also hold no stance on the theological front of Christianity. When my Bible reading group was discussing our questions, so many different theological beliefs and views came up, and I had hardly heard of any of them. More questions came to my head, and my heart. Why do I believe what I believe if I do not even know what I believe? How come I do not know anything about my own faith? What has led me to this ignorance? How can I steer away from that and begin to learn more?  

I also learned that there is a balance in everything. There is a balance of understanding when it comes to God being so awesome and so great and yet so personal. There is balance between the “just right” amount of theology with the perfect amount of faith and trust in our Saviour. There is balance when it comes to mixing black and white to get the right shade of grey. In everything, there is balance. It takes work to achieve the right mixture and solution for every different situation.

So I have many questions in my mind. There are many new things that I am realizing and learning and working towards. It is an exhausting but exhilarating process all at the same time. As I grow in each new experience, I am doing my best to always turn to Jesus and talk to him about all that is going on. I keep asking him what to do and what is right and what he wants for my life, but I am also realizing that nothing with Him is ever really just pure black or pure white. Jesus was the exact example of grey, of balance, of knowing what to say and when and how. He lived within the shades of grey; he had the perfect answers to every question. So as I search for the answers to all my questions in him and I strive to live like him every day, I am pursuing the concept of grey and what the “black and white” matters of this world have to do with that.

Love always,
Fina